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GeeseIt’s an annual tradition – my Thanksgiving coming-out poem. Hope you are having a great day.

My regular readers have likely seen this poem more times than they care to, but if you’re new, welcome to the tradition. Thanks for reading, and here we go:

 A Thanksgiving Coming Out

By Matt Kailey

There’s a holiday coming on which we give thanks
For the wonderful things in our lives.
Not cell phones or new cars or what’s in the bank,
But our partners or husbands or wives.

We think of our loved ones as we plan our trips.
To see them will be a real treat.
And we know that the question on everyone’s lips
Will be, “When the heck do we eat?”

Now I’ve been through many a Thanksgiving feast
And lived to tell the story.
I can’t really rank them from most fun to least —
They all seemed a little bit gory.

There was one at my grandmother’s house, when she said,
“Let us each say what we’re thankful for.”
But before we could answer, my drunk Uncle Ted
Was sprawled out like a dog on the floor.

Another time everyone came to my place
With their offers to get in the way.
They crowded the kitchen and took up the space,
But at clean-up, they just couldn’t stay.

Then my sis tried her hand at the family feast,
With enough food to feed twenty-one.
But her poor old dog, Rover, that ungrateful beast,
Got there first and left us with none.

So, what’s really going on here? Are you excited? I mean —

(more…)

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Question Mark2010 must have been a banner year for Tranifesto, because, so far, all of my top-viewed posts of all time have come from that year. This is the third-most-viewed blog post on Tranifesto during the life of the blog, from October 18, 2010.

Here is a link to the original post, in case you want to read the comments and suggestions from readers at that time. Now, Ask Matt: In Bed with a Trans Man:

A reader writes: “I am a queer woman dating a trans guy. This is all very new to me, and a very sensitive subject to him. This person is in transition, having T regularly, is planning top surgery, but has no intentions to change his sex.

“What do I call his sex? What do I call his top? I’m so confused, and really do not want to offend. What are the rules and etiquette in bed? HELP!! I’m really into this person, and supportive of his transition.”

First of all, relax. It’s great that you are trying to be so sensitive to his needs. Hopefully, he will return the favor and be aware of some of the difficulties this presents for you. You are going to make some mistakes. If he expects perfection and no screw-ups, then he really shouldn’t be dating anyone, because everyone makes mistakes about something.

But he is dating someone – you. So let’s break it down:

What do I call his top?

You call it his chest. It’s his chest now, and it’s his chest after surgery. (more…)

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KeshaSo far, The Best of Tranifesto has featured my blog’s most viewed post of all time and most commented post of all time. This week, we have the second-most-viewed post of all time. I’m not sure that it’s the post itself that has generated such a large audience. I think it’s just that anything that has Ke$ha’s name on it tends to be popular.

But not only is this post the second-most-viewed post in the entire life of my blog – it was the second-most-viewed post in the last seven days! Originally published on December 20, 2010, here is Don’t Worry, Ke$sha. I Don’t Want to Date You, Either:

And neither do any of the trans guys I know. In fact, for someone who tries soooo hard to be hip, you are making yourself less cool every day.

I first wrote about Ke$ha’s questionable notion of the transgender community when I was writing for Examiner.com.

At that time, in an interview with The Advocate, Ms. Dollar Sign claimed to be a “huge fan” of the “transgender community” (you’d have to be a pretty huge fan if you liked the whole community – there are a lot of us, and we’re all different from each other).

But her idea of our community turned out to be “men with these banging bodies, dancing in heels, singing, and having so much fun with so much make-up on.” Umm … so she really wasn’t talking about any of us, except possibly drag queens who also identify as transgender.

I don’t pay much attention to Ke$ha, so I generally have no idea what’s coming out of her mouth. But thanks to Monica Roberts at TransGriot, I have now discovered that her latest foray into trans offense is her new song “Grow a Pear,” which contains the striking, nuanced, and insightful lyric “I just can’t date a dude with a vag.” (more…)

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Straight SisterLast week, for The Best of Tranifesto, I published the post that has gotten the most views over the life of my blog.

This week, I am publishing the post that has gotten the most comments over the life of my blog. It was originally posted on June 1, 2010, and it got so many comments that I felt the need to post a follow-up the next day. Here is the post:

I’m pro-choice, but in this case, I’m not talking about a woman’s right to choose. I’m talking about my right to choose, and my right not to be a victim of my birth.

I just finished watching a new indie gay and lesbian film that had an interesting premise, but I felt like I was back in the ’70s, with the word “homosexual” being thrown around all the time, even by the gay and lesbian characters, and this little gem coming from one of the young lesbian characters when talking to her father:

“I didn’t choose to be this way. I’ve always been this way. I’d be straight if I could. My life would be so much easier.”

I get really tired of this argument, which makes straight the default — and the desirable — way to be, and gay or lesbian the undesirable and unchosen way to be — a way that was forced on certain unfortunate people as a mistake of birth. After all, who wouldn’t want to be straight if they could?

Well, I happen to know hundreds of gay and lesbian people who wouldn’t want to be straight if they could. In fact, I’m not sure I know any who would want to be straight. I know some who would prefer not to have the hassles of being gay or lesbian. I know some who would prefer not to face the prejudice, discrimination, and outright hatred that comes from being gay or lesbian. But I can’t think of any who would want to be straight if they could. I’m sure they’re out there — they’re just getting harder and harder to find. (more…)

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MirrorThis particular blog post, published on June 30, 2010, has received the most views of any post on my blog:

Everyone’s sex drive is different, and everyone responds differently to this particular biological force (except the boys in my 8th grade language arts class when I was teaching, who morphed en masse into beings from another planet as soon as puberty hit).

So, although I am posting this in response to a new reader’s question from yesterday, I need to make it clear that my experience with testosterone is my experience with testosterone. I have heard similar stories from other trans men, but they will have to speak for themselves, and are invited to do so in the comments section.

One of the most interesting things about the effects of testosterone and trans men is that we have something else to compare it to. Non-trans men do not. And non-trans women do not, which is why I wrote the post “It’s the Testosterone: What Straight Women Should Know.”

When I started testosterone a dozen years ago, I expected my sex drive to increase. The “horror” stories are a part of trans man lore, passed down from generation to generation as we all gear up for male adolescence, no matter how old we are, and take out a line of credit at the adult toy store.

And it did increase, within about four days of my first shot, and I basically squirmed a lot for two years before I got used to it. But I was planning for that. Here are the things that took me by surprise: (more…)

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It’s once again time for my annual tradition – my Thanksgiving coming-out poem. My long-time readers see this every year, but if there are any newcomers, here you go:

A Thanksgiving Coming Out

By Matt Kailey

There’s a holiday coming on which we give thanks
For the wonderful things in our lives.
Not cell phones or new cars or what’s in the bank,
But our partners or husbands or wives.

We think of our loved ones as we plan our trips.
To see them will be a real treat.
And we know that the question on everyone’s lips
Will be, “When the heck do we eat?”

Now I’ve been through many a Thanksgiving feast
And lived to tell the story.
I can’t really rank them from most fun to least —
They all seemed a little bit gory.

There was one at my grandmother’s house, when she said,
“Let us each say what we’re thankful for.”
But before we could answer, my drunk Uncle Ted
Was sprawled out like a dog on the floor.

Another time everyone came to my place
With their offers to get in the way.
They crowded the kitchen and took up the space,
But at clean-up, they just couldn’t stay.

Then my sis tried her hand at the family feast,
With enough food to feed twenty-one.
But her poor old dog, Rover, that ungrateful beast,
Got there first and left us with none.

So, what’s really going on here? Are you excited? I mean —

(more…)

Read Full Post »

WordPress just sent me a “Your 2011 Year in Blogging” report that provides a year-end summary of the most viewed and most commented on posts for the year. Although I can always see my stats, it’s nice to have all that information in an organized little bundle.

So to welcome in 2012, I’m going to link to the most popular posts of 2011. Read them again or for the first time (or, if you hate reruns, I will see you back here on Thursday).

I hope 2012 turns out to be great for all of you, and thanks for making Tranifesto so successful. Without my readers, I would be writing for myself, and it’s bad enough that I talk to myself!

The Top Five Posts in 2011

The most popular (most viewed) post in 2011 was actually a post I wrote in 2010 – Testosterone and Sex Drive: My Second Adolescence.

The second most popular post in 2011 was written in 2009 – Gay Men Kissing Kicked Out of Restaurant: Why It Matters to Trans People. (Note for SEO buffs: “gay men kissing” seems to be a very popular search engine term, even if it’s not happening much at my house.)

Number three was What Does Being a Man Mean to You?, number four was Chaz Bono on TV: Explaining Heterosexual Dancing to the Children, and rounding out the top five was Meet the New Gender Police – Same as the Old Gender Police.

My most commented post in 2011 was Ask Matt: Coming Home to One’s True Nature, with 52 comments.

And thank you, CaptLex, for being my most active commenter in 2011, followed by Anon, Ethan, Maddox, and Sean.

The majority of my readers were from the United States, with Canada second and the UK third, but I have readers all over the world, including Singapore, the Philippines, South Africa, Kenya, Egypt, Brazil, Venezuela, and Peru. The reach of the Internet continues to amaze me (remember, I grew up when color TV was an innovation).

Again, thanks to all my readers and commenters for a fantastic year. Please stick around for 2012!

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